Public Service Division panics over PSC scholar couple’s potential breakup

The Public Service Division (PSD) has been thrown into disarray over fears that two PSC scholars, who have been together for 8 months, might have broken up.

The potentially erstwhile couple were considered a crowning PSD achievement for the year 2018, after they started dating during the specially-organized pre-university departure course for overseas scholarship holders. Now, PSD officers’ performance bonuses are on the line after both scholars swapped out their couple photo from their Facebook profile pictures.

PSD officer Angeline Chia cursed the couple for their selfishness. “Couldn’t they just stick together until April? Sure, doing long-distance from Waseda (in Japan) to Tufts (in the United States) is hard, but so is going into March knowing I’m getting a D grade and no performance bonus. Just one more month and I’d have pulled an A!”

Her colleague, Richard Lim, was more optimistic. “I’m sure they’re just playing an April Fools’ Joke in advance. We did everything perfectly during pre-departure – made them sit through hours of boring lectures so they’d start texting each other instead, sent them to OBS so they’d experience physical contact, even conducted the whole thing in the Grand Copthorne so they’d have ‘space’ if they wanted it.”

Sources report that the Prime Minister’s Office (PMO) has gotten involved. GovTech specialists are currently hacking into both scholars’ Facebook Messenger accounts to verify the breakup and attempt a digital reconciliation. A PMO spokesperson was blunt. “Right now, Lee Kuan Yew doesn’t have any great-grandchildren. Until we get another 166 IQ royal blood baby, we’ll have to make do with what the scholars can provide.”

When pressed for comment, PSC Chairman Lee Tzu Yang said, “All I can hope for is that our scholars do their duty to the country.” At press time, the PSD announced it was hiring more officers to deal with a new crisis, as rumors swirled that another scholar was dating a barista from France.

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