ACS Founder’s Day sets new Guinness World Record for most simultaneous eye-rolls

The Guinness Book of World Records has officially announced its latest world record: the highest number of simultaneous eye rolls in response to the same event, incident, or social phenomenon. Singaporeans from one walk of life (i.e. those who attended non-ACS ‘elite’ schools) claimed the honour after literally every single one of them rolled their … Continue reading ACS Founder’s Day sets new Guinness World Record for most simultaneous eye-rolls

Parliament: New CPIB director has ‘no conflict of interest’, despite acrimonious university breakup with Senior Minister of State

[Disclaimer: we have zero knowledge of the personal histories of senior government officials. Do not believe our facts. Our tagline is literally “we are fake news”] There is generally no conflict of interest between the Corrupt Practices Investigation Bureau (CPIB) and the ministries it investigates, former SAF scholar and Trade and Industry Minister Chan Chun … Continue reading Parliament: New CPIB director has ‘no conflict of interest’, despite acrimonious university breakup with Senior Minister of State

Elite Chinese Singaporeans convinced that SAP schools are cause of all Chinese privilege

Singaporeans from one walk of life have agreed that Special Assistance Plan (SAP) schools are the root of all racial disparities in the city-state. The unprecedented consensus comes after an article from 2017, titled “The Special Assistance Plan: Singapore’s own bumiputera policy”, did the rounds again on Facebook. Those sharing the article online, mostly alumni … Continue reading Elite Chinese Singaporeans convinced that SAP schools are cause of all Chinese privilege

Singaporean struggles to explain BTO to international friends

Singaporean Brenda Lee, a 23-year-old senior at Harvard University, has admitted that she “can’t even” after trying and failing to explain BTO across two hours and several glasses of wine. The ordeal began when Lee excitedly announced to her American friends that she and her boyfriend James had agreed to apply for BTO together. Instead … Continue reading Singaporean struggles to explain BTO to international friends

Concerned citizens ask: is it Transport Minister breakdown?

Foreign Minister Vivian Balakrishnan has been appointed Acting Minister for Transport. The news comes after Transport Minister Khaw Boon Wan fractured his arm during a fall last week. Citizens expressed deep concern for Minister Khaw. “It’s one thing to shatter Singaporeans’ confidence in the public transport system, but another thing entirely to break your humerus,” … Continue reading Concerned citizens ask: is it Transport Minister breakdown?

Singaporean at Yale convinced he’s found future wife after checking her LinkedIn profile

Samuel Leong, 21, has declared that his search for a lifelong mate is over after Jane (not her real name) accepted his connection request on LinkedIn. Leong, who is currently studying at Yale University on a government scholarship, said he felt an instant affinity when he read through the Education section of her profile. “She … Continue reading Singaporean at Yale convinced he’s found future wife after checking her LinkedIn profile

PMO announces new Department of Public Apologies

[This was submitted by a guest writer] In line with Budget 2019, the Prime Minister’s Office has decided to set up the Department of Public Apologies. Chief Public Apologist and former Army General Lim Chee Siong remarked, “This is a landmark moment for us, and for Singapore. This move signals to the world that the Singaporean Government is an efficient and … Continue reading PMO announces new Department of Public Apologies

Ministry of Finance struggles to explain Minister Heng Swee Keat’s Sang Kancil analogy

The Ministry of Finance (MOF) public relations team has admitted it has absolutely no idea how to explain Finance Minister Heng Swee Keat’s exhortation for Singapore to be more like Sang Kancil. During his Budget Speech, the Prime Minister (PM)-in-waiting called on Singaporeans to draw on the “Singaporean DNA” of openness, multi-culturalism and self-determination to … Continue reading Ministry of Finance struggles to explain Minister Heng Swee Keat’s Sang Kancil analogy

To Mindef’s (and only Mindef’s) surprise, Ben Davis defaults on NS obligations

The Ministry of Defence (Mindef) has expressed shock and dismay at Singaporean footballer Ben Davis’s decision to default on his National Service (NS) obligations. Apart from Ministry employees contractually bound to echo the views of their employer, literally no other Singaporean was surprised or upset at the news. Last June, Davis, 18, became the first … Continue reading To Mindef’s (and only Mindef’s) surprise, Ben Davis defaults on NS obligations

Government scholars gather in Cambridge, Massachusetts to discuss the merits of meritocracy

A group of government scholars has gathered over food and drinks to debate whether they deserve their exalted positions in Singapore’s educational hierarchy. The event, titled “The Merits of Meritocracy”, was held at Harvard University and deemed “a resounding success” by organizer Brandon Ming. Ming, in his third year at Harvard, said the discussion was … Continue reading Government scholars gather in Cambridge, Massachusetts to discuss the merits of meritocracy